


I’m holding up this cruel, dreadful day alone

by icallyoumoomchild



Category: Stray Kids
Genre: Angst, Crack (?), Fluff, Gangs, Violence, but not with each other, felix and jisung also work in the flower shop, flowershop worker!seungmin, i love that concept, i think, minho and changbin work in the tattoo shop with hyunjin, more like them against the rest of the world, obviously, or work with fucked up people in general, tattoo artist!hyunjin, the flower shop workers are sweethearts, they do mostly gang tattoos, uhm i guess that’s it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2019-09-28 14:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17184896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icallyoumoomchild/pseuds/icallyoumoomchild
Summary: Hyunjin’s most frequent customers were gang members, drug lords, prostitutes, or other people of that kind.His tattoos were different than most, almost looked alive, which is why most people came to him to get their respective gang tattoos, or anything, really.or;Hyunjin works in a tattoo parlor, Seungmin works in the flower shop right across the street.





	1. Chapter 1

Hyunjin’s most frequent customers were gang members, drug lords, prostitutes, or other people of that kind. 

His tattoos were different than most, almost looked alive, which is why most people came to him to get their respective gang tattoos, or anything, really.

It was around 10pm, the shop was closing in one hour and Changbin and Minho, Hyunjins coworkers and friends, sat in the lobby right in front of the counter since they had no customers right now.

When the doorbell went off, the three men snapped their heads up, a greeting on Hyunjins tongue which died in his throat when he saw who was standing right there, in the middle of his shop.

Changbin, Minho and Hyunjin stood up abruptly, all of their soft gazes from just a second ago turned into blank, if not even defensive and hard expressions as their attention turned to the intruders. Lee Hyunseok, Head of one of Gangnams biggest and most dangerous gang. This man could make the devil bow down in shame.

“Lee.” Hyunjin greeted coldly, trying to sound like he wasn’t one second away from a nervous breakdown.

The man he spoke to smiled, and it was the fakest thing the world has ever seen. “Hwang Hyunjin. How are you, my friend?” he questioned.

Hyunjin had to bite his lip to prevent himself from saying something like ‘I’m not your goddamn friend, you son of a fucking bitch.’ Instead he chose, “I’m quite okay, how about you, Seok?” he gritted out.

The older male seemed amused at his attempt at a threat. He took one, two steps forward until he was just a few feet away from the small group.

“I heard that one of my... former gang members visited your lovely little tattoo studio. Kim Minwoe.” Yes, Hyunjin recognized that name. 

“Yes, he did. About two or three weeks ago,” was all he said. He may be scared for life, but he still respects his customers privacy, even if they are or were members of a gang like Hyunseok’s. 

The latter ran his tongue over his bottom lip and Hyunjin saw his face turning from amused to mildly irritated. “What did he want? A snake? A dragon? Something else?” All of these examples were gang tattoo designs, Hyunjin noticed. Hyunseok thought that Minwoe joined another gang.

“A tattoo.” Hyunjin answered sharply. He saw Changbin and Minho tense up from the corner of his eye, and he knew he was playing a dangerous game. Yet, he didn’t care.

Hyunseok’s calm demeanor changed in an instant, his eyes became freezing, almost like the sea in the darkest, coldest winter. It was scary.

“You think you’re funny, don’t you? You think you can talk to me like that without facing any consequences?” Hyunseok spit out through gritted teeth.

Hyunjin didn’t want to be afraid anymore. 

“What are you gonna do? Bring my parents back from the dead and kill them again? Take more than you already have? Then go ahead and fucking try,” He threw his arms in the air and looked around mockingly, as if to show Hyunseok that, “there’s nothing left.” 

The older male just stared blankly before his mouth broke out into a maniacal, not-even-close-to-caring smile. That bastard.

He cocked his head to the side and three of the men behind him stepped forward until they were positioned left and right besides Hyunseok. “Do it”, was the only thing he said before he turned around, his remaining men following him out.

Two of Hyunseok’s men went straight for Changbin and Minho, who were still standing behind Hyunjin. The tallest one wore a smirk on his face, and Hyunjin wanted to punch him in the face. That’s exactly what he did.

Right in Gangnam, a city in korea known for its high crime rate, were six men, fighting in a small tattoo parlor, one out of many. 

Fists flew left and right, Changbin and his opponent were rolling on the floor, still going for each other’s faces, both men looking remarkably bruised up. 

Minho fought with more strategy, his fists held high to protect his face. He blocked the majority of the other’s jabs and punches, but didn’t land many either.

Hyunjin was a good fighter. When you lived a life like he did, you had to be able to protect and defend yourself. But he knew that the man in front of him probably grew up in similar living-conditions. 

Hyunseok’s man landed a good undercut, which caused Hyunjin to fly back and fall right on his ass. This was it.

You fall, you lose.

The next thing he knew was seeing a sliver shining thing in the other’s hand and how that very face broke into a crazy looking grin. 

When he lunged for Hyunjin, the latter felt a sharp pain in his left side, the dagger piercing through his skin like butter. His attacker pulled it out just to ram it in again, this time right between his ribs, and Hyunjin screamed in pain. He trashed around, trying to get the stronger man to get off of him.

At one point he did, calling for his other colleagues to come with him. The other two let Minho and Changbin go before running off together. 

Hyunjin’s friends weren’t as injured as he was, but they got their fair share of bruises. 

They rushed over to where the other was laying on the ground and Minho placed his hands on top of the open wounds in an attempt to stop the bleeding. He looked scared.

Changbin, however, looked as if he saw this at least every week. Seeing as he lived in one of Gangnam’s worst areas, he probably did. Hyunjin saw how he looked out of the windows of the shop, seemingly contemplating something.

Changbin crouched down to say, “I’ll try to get help. There’s a flower shop on the other side of the street, maybe it’s still open.” 

Minho looked like he wanted to disagree, but Changbin was already back in his feet and running out of the shop. The oldest turned back to Hyunjin, who looked paler every second. “Hey, dude, keep your eyes open. Changbin will get help, you’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.” Minho whispered the last part as if to remind himself rather than Hyunjin.

The injured boy couldn’t do anything except to laugh a little at his friends concern. “Don’t worry” he choked out. His teeth were coated in blood, yet he forced a gritty smile, “i’ve had worse, you know.” 

Minho could just shake his head at Hyunjin’s behavior. Of course he would try to keep the elder from worrying. What else should he do? Fear for his life? Nah.

The door opened and Changbin, followed by four other guys, walked inside, looking around frantically. 

Even in a situation like this, Hyunjin can’t help but notice how... different one of the newcomers looked. Red hair falling into his wide blown eyes, worry written all over his face. ‘Weird,’ Hyunjin thought, ‘he’s worried.’ 

His vision fell blurry.


	2. Chapter 2

Seungmin was arranging some of the new roses they got today when the door of the flower shop he worked in flew open with so much force that the petunias on the top shelf almost fell off of it. 

When he turned to the door, he didn’t expect to see a black haired, very tattooed young man looking noticeably disheveled. Seungmin couldn’t do anything except stand still with his mouth slightly open, one rose still in his hand.

Right at that moment Felix and Jisung walked in, just to stop dead in their tracks, obviously confused as to why there was an all-black-clothed man standing in the middle of their flower shop.

After a few seconds of silence passed, the newcomer broke the silence. 

“I need your help.” 

Unexpected.

Seungmin hesitantly looked at Felix and Jisung, who stared back at him just as weirded out. 

After contemplating it, the former took a step towards the stranger and asked, “With what?”

The intruder visibly relaxed at the fact that he wasn’t being thrown out immediately. “Uhm, one of my friends got hurt. We work at the tattoo shop together,” he pointed his thumb in the direction of said shop, “and these... people came in.” he finished.

Seungmin nodded slowly before looking back at his coworkers, who seemed to understand what their friend wanted. All of them took their aprons off and Changbin noticed how their gazes hardened slightly. 

The four of them ran across the street and inside the tattoo parlor, where two stressed looking, equally as young looking men awaited them. One of them was sprawled out on the floor, the other’s hands, which were covered in blood, still stubbornly pressing down on his wounds.

Seungmin looked at the injured boy, and he saw how the other’s eyes closed just to be ripped open again in an attempt to not fall asleep. The former freezes when said eyes landed on himself, and what he didn’t expect was a small, barely there smile to bloom on the other’s face.

His eyes closed.

For one cruelly silent second, no one knew what to do, before Minho sat up straight and brought his left hand up to cup Hyunjin’s face.

“No, hey, Hyunjin, hey, keep your eyes open, buddy. Come on, come on, come on! Open your eyes!” Minho yelled, slapping Hyunjin’s cheek ever so lightly. He cursed under his breath before calling Changbin over to carry Hyunjin on the black leather sofa in the lobby.

Jisung followed them and sat right across from Minho. He hesitated a little, but in the end he placed his own hands on top of Minho’s already red colored ones and flashed him a small, nervous looking smile, which the elder reciprocated.

Seungmin jogged over to the counter where he looked through all the shelf’s and drawers in hope to find something helpful, only to be disappointed to find exactly nothing.

For the first time Felix spoke up, “Okay,” he started and everyone turned to him in interest, “obviously we can’t call the ambulance ‘cause they would bring the cops with them, so... Seungmin get water, preferably really cold water. You,” he pointed his finger at Changbin, surprising him, before taking out a small sliver key, “go to the flower shop, in the back room is a first aid kit kind of thing, in that weird small dark brown shelf.” Changbin nodded determined, albeit a little shocked at the sudden outburst.

Felix turned to Minho. “You gotta try to close to wound, don’t just put pressure on it.” He moved to sit next to Jisung and removed their hands from the still open and bleeding wounds. The slender boy placed the sides of his hands on each side of the biggest wound and pushed them together, so that it would have a similar effect as stitching it.

Minho and Jisung just sat there, baffled that Felix knew how to handle something like knife wounds. 

Not even a minute later Changbin came running in again, first aid kit clutched tightly in his left hand, right hand occupied with holding the key Felix gave to him. 

He stretched his arm out so Felix could take the kit before turning to Seungmin, who just came back from the kitchen holding a small glass of water.

He pants, a little out of breath, before announcing, “I got your water.” 

Felix looked up and looked around the shop, before his eyes landed on the shelf filled with hygienic towels. “Get me two of these,” he nodded his head at the blue fabric. The blonde haired turned to Minho, “keep doing what i’m doing”, he said before letting go of Hyunjin in favor to take the towels and the water from Seungmin’s outstretched hands.

Felix dipped one of the towels into the glass before rolling it up and laying it on Hyunjin’s forehead. He other stirred because of the cold, and Felix smiled a little triumphantly. 

He placed his left hand under Hyunjin’s chin and pushed it up a little, so that his head was tilted back, and Felix slowly poured the water onto the towel.

Hyunjin started coughing almost immediately before his eyes flew open. Everyone turned to him and Felix with shock and confusion written across their faces. 

“When someone’s head is tipped back and you put a soaked towel on their forehead, they’ll feel like they’re drowning, which causes them to wake up. Survival instincts or something.” Felix explained, as if his statement would explain why exactly he knew about this. 

But no one questioned him, for now. 

Jisung took the first aid kit out of Felix’s lap and opened it, before taking out a needle, a dark blue thread, disinfectant spray and bandages. He handed them over to the other man, who took them silently, pushing the tip of the thread through the hole at the end of the needle and tying both ends together. 

Felix sprayed a good amount of the disinfectant spray on the wound that looks the most dangerous. He speaks up again, “okay, this is going to hurt like a fucking bitch, but i don’t have any painkillers with me s-“ 

“I have some.” Seungmin interrupted him. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out the pills and hands them to Felix, who tilted Hyunjin’s head back up to help him swallow the medicine and the water he’s holding in front of the others’ mouth.

Hyunjin mumbled a weak ‘thanks’ before his head falls back on the cushions. 

Before sitting down again, Felix took the second towel Seungmin gave him and told Hyunjin, “Bite on this, as hard as you need to. You can’t scream here.” 

He did as he was told and placed to soft cotton fabric into his mouth. He felt Felix switch positions with Minho so that he could have better access to the wounds.

“Changbin, Minho, I need you to hold him down. He can’t move.” Both of the boys glance at each other quickly before they nod. Minho grabs both of Hyunjin’s legs while Changbin moves to hold his arms right under his elbows.

All that is heard right now is Hyunjin’s ragged breath as he tries to calm himself down. He knows how much it’ll hurt, he remembers.

Felix chances one last glance at Changbin, then at Hyunjin, before hesitantly, yet confidently bringing his hands down to position the needle at the bottom of the gross looking wound right under Hyunjin’s ribs.

The moment he pierces the silver shining thing through the soft flesh Hyunjin starts to scream agonizingly loud, the sound muffled by the towel between his teeth. He starts to trash around with so much force that Changbin and Minho basically have to push all of their body weight on top of Hyunjin, so that Felix can actually work.

Seungmin just stands there, looking at the gruesome scene in front of him. He moves forward, squats down beside the still screaming boy and reaches up to cup his face in his own hands, in hope that this gesture will do something to calm the other boy down.

To his surprise, it actually works. Hyunjin looks at him with wide eyes and blown pupils. He stopped struggling against his friends’ hold, he stopped screaming. He’s only panting heavily, letting out muffled groans of pain while still looking straight at Seungmin, who shoots him a small, reassuring smile in return.

After approximately 10 minutes, Felix ties the ends of the thread together and wipes the sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand. Hyunjin’s breathing slowly goes back to normal and everyone lets out a collective sigh of relief. 

Seungmin’s thumbs stroke the honey like skin of Hyunjin’s cheeks as Felix places the white gauze on the wound before wrapping the bandage around his torso. 

“Fuck,” Hyunjin breathes, causing the others to laugh a little, soon joining in in the laughter.

One and a half hours later, the six of them are spread out in the lobby of the tattoo shop. Hyunjin is still laying on the couch, his left hand placed on top of his wound as if trying to protect it from any further damage. Jisung told Minho that he’s always wanted a tattoo, so now he and Minho are sitting on the floor while looking at designs of pretty flowers and birds. Changbin is sitting on the second sofa next to Felix, explaining the meanings of all of his tattoos to the curious boy, who is looking up at him with excited stars dancing in his eyes, nodding along to everything Changbin says. It’s adorable.

Seungmin is sitting on the armrest of the couch that Hyunjin claimed, watching his friends with fondness in his eyes. He feels something poking his side and he looks to his right, only to find Hyunjin stretching out his leg in favor of stubbing his toes against Seungmin’s waist. He cracks a smile before jokingly slapping the attacking foot away.

“What’s up?” Hyunjins asks him. He still looks weak, his skin looking paler than it probably should. Seungmin forced him to drink at least three glasses of water so that he doesn’t dehydrate.

The latter looks at his hands for a second before lifting his head back up, “Not much. This whole thing was just... something?” he replied, making it sound more like a question than a solid answer. Hyunjin hums, agreeing.

“Yeah, I guess it was. I’m... I’m sorry for putting you and your friends through... this, I guess.” Hyunjin apologize with a shy smile, low enough for only them to hear. He shouldn’t be sorry, Seungmin thinks. 

“Don’t be sorry. You could’ve died,” he chokes the last word out, the thought of somebody dying makes his stomach churn uncomfortably, “we’re glad that we could help, really.” Seungmin grabs Hyunjin’s hand and gives it a light squeeze. He flashes the other a small smile, which Hyunjin reciprocates. 

“Thank you,” the latter mumbles out. Seungmin turns to look at him again. Hyunjin is looking down at his lap, his face pulled in a frown, “this is not the first time this has happened, but it’s the first time... it’s kind of the first time i’ve ever lost consciousness. So thank you,” Hyunjin lifts his head to look at the boy in front of him and he notices the dark bags under the others’ eyes, and the way his hands don’t seem to stop shaking, so he held onto them even tighter, “You’re right, i could’ve died without your help. But I didn’t. So, thank you.”


	3. Chapter 3

Hyunjin, Seungmin, Changbin, Felix, Minho and Jisung found themselves spending more time together. Everyday, after both of the shops close up, Seungmin, Jisung and Felix come walking inside the tattoo shop and the six of them spend the evenings with talking about everything and anything, with eating over-prized pizza and with getting to know each other a little more.

Today, something is different, Hyunjin noticed. Something about Jisung seems... weird. His eyes look like they are literally holding galaxies in them and he can’t seem to stand still.

“Hey,” he greeted the trio, flashing Seungmin a small smile, “what got you so worked up?” Hyunjin directed his question at Jisung, only to be cruelly ignored when Jisung immediately bounces over to Minho, who in return wraps his arm around the others’ waist, and Hyunjin raises a brow at the action.

He turned to Seungmin and the latter just shrugs, but Hyunjin notices how his eyes hold something knowing in them.

Hyunjin brushes it off, “Do y’all want pizza?” 

“Did you just say ‘y’all’”

“Shut up, Felix.” 

Changbin is up in a second, leaving a betrayed looking Felix alone on the couch, “Where do you wanna order?” he asks.

“That one Italian place down the street.” 

“Ooh, can you get me a family sized pepperoni cheese pizza?”

“Family sized?” Hyunjin’s eyes widen just a little bit. “You never eat that much though.”

Hyunjin notices how Changbin’s cheeks redden slightly and how his gaze swifts over to Felix. “Ah, alright.”

The former flashes him a small smile, “Thanks, dude.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Just when Hyunjin was about to reach for his phone, there was a frantic series of knocks on the door of the tattoo shop and when Hyunjin lifted his head, he saw a young man, probably only a few years older than him, looking absolutely Terrified.

Without a second of hesitation he ran over to unlock the shop’s door and let the man in.

“Oh my God, thank you, thank you so much. I- There’s- Uh-“ the stranger rambled on, trying to find the right thing to say.

“Hey, Hey, dude, calm down, take a breath.” Hyunjin tried to calm him down. He looked around for a second and saw the others looking at the pair weirdly, confused.

 

Hyunjin guides the newcomer to the red couch where Seungmin sat before standing up to make a tea for the visibly distraught young man.

“What’s your name?” Hyunjin asked carefully.

“Woojin. I’m- uhm- i don’t-“ Woojin cut himself off to sort out his thoughts and calm down a little bit.

“Hey, it’s fine, take your time.” Jisung piped in, ever so softly. Hyunjin didn’t miss the way Minhos gaze shifted to something he couldn’t  
quite name.

When Seungmin came back with some chamomile tea and handed it over to Woojin who took it with a grateful smile and a small ‘thank you’ falling from his lips, he squatted down in front of the shaken boy and tried to put on his best ‘it’s okay we’re ready when you are’ smile.

“My boyfriend,” he started before abruptly stopping, looking around as if to make sure that it’s okay for him to reveal this kind of stuff. 

Minho must have sensed what was going on and casually placed a hand on Jisungs hip, trying to signal the stranger that having a boyfriend is perfectly fine with them. 

Woojin smiled at the gesture before continuing, “My boyfriend, Chris, is... uhm-“ he stops talking and looks at every single one of them standing around him, curiosity burning in their eyes while waiting for the man to continue. “Okay don’t freak out and don’t take this the wrong way.”

As soon as those words left Woojin’s mouth Hyunjin immediately straightened his back and moved closer to Seungmin and from the corner of his eyes he saw Changbin and Minho doing the same with Felix and Jisung. 

“Chris, he- well- he works for H-Hyunseok,” In any other circumstances Hyunjin would punch Woojin right in the fucking face, but something about the pure fear in his voice and the tremble in his body that looked as if there was a whole storm destroying him from the inside out told him that he, too, was just as terrified of Hyunseok as everyone else was.

“So, Chris, is a... runner?” Felix asks softly, trying his best to show Woojin that no one is judging him.

Woojin nods after a few seconds, Changbin let’s out a stressed sigh and when Felix sees that the other male’s hands are starting to shake, he grabs them in his own, smaller ones before flashing Changbin a small, comforting smile. 

“Why do you need help? Especially from us?” Minho asks sternly and Hyunjin can practically smell the distrust oozing out of him. 

“He fucked up a deal, didn’t he?” Hyunjin assumed.

Woojin turns to look at him and Hyunjin sees so many emotions in those black orbs of his that he feels a little lightheaded. “Not exactly. The dude he was supposed to sell that shit to didn’t have the money, so Chris packed the heroin back up and wanted to leave when that fucking bastard ran towards him. With a knife in his hands.” 

Hyunjin rather hears than sees Seungmin sucking in a sharp breath, so he sneaks one arm around the others’ waist.

“He was ready to kill him. For heroin.” The newcomer stated, disbelief clear in his voice. “I’ve never been that scared. Never.” Woojin’s hands are trembling so bad that he has to grip the fabric of his jeans to keep them from moving. “I called one of Hyunseok’s men when I saw Chris tackle him to the ground and punch him. I swear to god, i heard his nose break.” Woojin said, slightly flinching away at the thought of it. 

Hyunjin didn’t know when or how it started, or what it was, but the second those words left Woojin’s mouth, there were pictures flashing in front of Hyunjin’s eyes as if someone tied him to a chair and forced him to watch a movie made of his memories, memories that he spent years suppressing.

If anyone asked him to describe the feeling of drowning, he would describe this. 

Hyunjin felt his chest constricting and his breath coming out in short stutters, and he thinks that he heard a voice that sounds an awful lot like Seungmin’s calling his name, yet he couldn’t do anything except claw at his chest, as if trying to rip out the root of his misery. 

Woojin and Felix stood up in panic and Seungmin moved to grab Hyunjin when he started to stumble backwards. 

“It’s happening again.” Changbin stated with a voice so low that the others barely heard it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not proofread because i’m lazy as fuck so bare with me

Hyunjin felt the urge to crush his own head to make these annoying voices stop swirling around him like a bunch of insects. 

He felt people moving around him and he sensed their anxiety and panic. When he tried to open his eyes, he abruptly closed them again when all he was met with was a bright light and his eyes felt as if someone poured lemon juice on his face while his eyes were wide open.

The boy squinted his still sensitive eyes and reached a hand up to rub at his tired face, and suddenly everything seemed to stop around him for a few seconds and at his second attempt to open his eyes, he succeeded and was greeted with the sight of the people he was with just before the light in his body switched off.

The moment of nothingness quickly passed when Seungmin rushed to cup his pale cheeks with his hands and roam concerned eyes over his face.

“Oh my God are you okay? How do you feel? What happened, why did you just pass out? I thou-“ he started to ramble and Hyunjin felt bad for worrying him, yet he was thankful that Changbin came to save him from a three hour lecture on why he shouldn’t just pass out by putting a calm but commanding hand on Seungmin’s shoulder.

“We’re all worried, but this can wait, okay?” Changbin said with a soft voice and an even softer smile. Seungmin nodded solemnly and Hyunjin suddenly became very aware of Seungmin’s thumb rubbing soothingly across his cheek. 

All too soon though, the warmth of the others’ hands was gone when Minho and Changbin told everyone to leave the room so that they can talk to Hyunjin alone. The previously unconscious boy lifted his head just the slightest bit to throw his friends, who were looking at him with so much worry in their eyes, a quicker reassuring smile, which they all returned even if it didn’t quite reach their eyes.

The moment the door closed shut Changbin and Minho basically jumped over to Hyunjin and just looked at him with an expectant face and their arms crossed in front of him.

“...what?”

Minho’s foot stopped tapping on the ground and he just stared at Hyunjin as if that one word was the dumbest thing ever said in history.

“What? What? What the fuck happened out there dude?” The slender boy asked him, disbelief scattered all across his face. “You haven’t had a panic attack in years. Do you eve-“ 

“I know, Minho, okay? I have no fucking idea what happened, it was probably something that Woojin said, i don’t know” Hyunjin replied, not being able to look his friends in the eyes so instead choosing to look at the corner of the room he’s currently lying in.

Changbin and Minho raised their eyebrows. “What do you mean ‘something that Woojin said’” The former of the two questioned. 

Hyunjin looked at them as if they were the ones that said some stupid shit now. “Have you not listened to what he said? Like, at all?” 

“Yes, of course I listened, but I don’t get what anything he said has to do with- Oh.” Realization painted Changbin’s face and shortly after he winced. “I’m sorry, that was probably insensitive.” he apologized.

“Nah it’s fine, i promise.” Hyunjin assures his friend. Minho is awfully quiet, Hyunjin notes. “Minho?” he tried.

He snapped his head up at his name and looked at Changbin and Hyunjin. “Hm?”

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin asked, squinting his eyes. Minho’s usually never at a loss of what to say, so him looking so lost right now is a weird sight for his best friends.

“Yeah, i’m fine, i’m fine.” He sounds like he doesn’t even believe his own words and he knows that Changbin and Hyunjin don’t, either, so he does what he knows best when he feels too uncomfortable and changes the subject. “Anyways, you should get some rest, we’ll tell the others that you feel better.” he says with an unsure but soft, little smile and cocks his head in the direction of the door to signal Changbin that they’re leaving. 

The latter gets the gist and throws Hyunjin one last concerned smile before he and Minho leave him alone.

Hyunjin didn’t know how lonely this room felt, until he was alone.

 

Hyunjin being Hyunjin, in fact, didn’t go to sleep. 

Instead he spent hours remembering every memory that his mind spent years on  
suppressing. 

 

 

Everything happened too fast.

The deal went well, at first. Hyunjin and Chanyoung did their daily routine. Take the money, give the stuff, say goodbye. That’s how it always goes.

Except, today it didn’t. 

Mr. Choi, one of their regulars, ordered his usual amount of heroin, and he always had the money. Today he didn’t.

“Look, Hyunjin, Chanyoung, boys. You know me, I always have the money I will pay yo-“

“Exactly, you always have the money, but today you don’t. You know the rules, Choi. No money, no stuff.” Hyunjin said matter-of-factly. 

Chanyoung stood next to him, like always. He looked unusually fidgety today. When Hyunjin asked him about it earlier that day, he got a mere ‘Nothing, i’m just anxious today, i don’t know why’ as a response.

He brushed it off as nothing since Chanyoung said that that’s what it was, nothing.

Now, Hyunjin thinks that maybe he should’ve payed attention to his best friend and all the signs that indicated that maybe today, somethings going to go wrong.

Hyunjin shrugged his shoulders apologetically, before he turned around to leave, knowing that Chanyoung will follow him. They’re a team. That’s what they do.

Hyunjin expected Chanyoung to walk beside him and ask him to go to their favorite coffee shop to get their daily dose of caffeine and a blueberry muffin. He expected him to rant about Jinyoung Hyung acting like an overprotective older brother and Jackson Hyung being all gross with Mark. He expected Chanyoung to laugh at him while he was telling him how Bambam Hyung and Yugyeom Hyung put sugar in his ramen instead of salt. He expected things like that.

He didn’t expect to hear his best friend yell “Hyunjin!” with so much fear in his voice that the world seemed to shake for a split second.

When he turned back around, he was greeted with the sight of Mr. Choi running towards him with an expression full of hatred and desperation and some glinting, silver object in his hand. A knife.

Hyunjin’s brain was too slow to process what was happening and he couldn’t move, even when the addict he was supposed to sell something to came towards him at an incredible speed. 

He didn’t know what was happening, or why Chanyoung suddenly stood in front of him. 

The only thing his mind seemed to register was his friends’ scream of agony and Mr. Choi’s shocked face.

Chanyoung took the hit for him.

Hyunjin’s eyes widened almost comically as he automatically held out his arms to catch his partner, letting them both fall to the ground.

He cradled Chanyoung in his lap as he looked at him, mouth open and hands just above his body, too scared to touch him. 

The shocked boy’s eyes went from the wound in the injured boy’s right side to said boy’s face, back and forth.

“Chanyoung,” he whispered so, so quietly. Hyunjin always knows what to do. He always knows how to react, how to handle certain situation. 

Now, he feels lost.

Chanyoung looked at him with so much pain in his eyes that Hyunjin felt his heart constrict, as if he was the one lying in the ground, bleeding out.

“Hyunjin,” Chanyoung rasped, his teeth are stained red and there’s a trail of blood running down the side of his mouth. He’s trying to smile. He fails.

“Chanyoung- I- I dont k-know what to d-do,” Hyunjin stutters. He can feel his friends, his best friends rapid breathing. 

“Hyunjin, l-look at me,” the other boy says, his voice strained. “It’s okay,” he reassures, a small smile on his lips. It looks more like a grimace that a smile, though.

“W-what? No! No, it’s not okay! I don’t know what to do Chan, w-what should I do,” Hyunjin absently feels tears running down his face. 

“There’s nothing you can do,” Chanyoung starts, taking Hyunjin’s shaking hand in his own, considerably steadier one. “It’s okay, Jinnie, it’s okay, it’s okay” he repeats, trying to convince Hyunjin. It doesn’t work.

“No!” the latter chokes out. “Y-you’re supposed to annoy me with your stupid jokes. You’re supposed to make me pay for your coffee because you don’t want to pay for yourself. You’re supposed to talk shit about the others. You’re not supposed to leave me!” Hyunjin yells frustratedly. He can barely see with all those tears, and normally he doesn’t care. Now he does, because this may be the last time that he can see his friend.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Chanyoung apologizes. Hyunjin shakes his head as if that could make anything any better. “I’m sorry for picking a fight with you over the stupidest things. I’m sorry for eating your chocolate bars everytime and blaming it on Gyeom. I’m sorry for that one time where i left you at the train station to get ice cream and almost causing a heart attack.” Chanyoung goes on. Hyunjin can feel his insides burning with pain.

“But i am not sorry for stepping in front of you.” He adds sternly. “I will never be sorry for saving your life.” 

After finishing his sentence, he brings the hand that’s not holding Hyunjin’s up to his throat, gripping his necklace, the one with the moon, and ripping it off. 

Hyunjin just stares dumbfounded, before Chanyoung takes Hyunjin’s hand, forces it open and lays his necklace in the middle of his palm. He closes Hyunjin’s fingers one by one.

“What are you-“

“I want you to have it,” Chan says with a small smile dancing on his lips. 

Hyunjin scrambles for something to say but suddenly Chanyoung is closing his eyes and the formers brain shuts down.

“Wait, no. No no no no no, don’t close your eyes, Hey, Chan, please don’t close your eyes. Open your fucking eyes!” He yells, his hands cupping the others” cheeks harshly, trying to make him open his goddamn eyes again.

He sits there, yelling at Chanyoung to “just wake up!”, for what feels like forever, even though the latters breathing has stopped long ago. Heart wrecking sobs fill the silence of the night.

Hyunjin rocks them both back and fourth, still whispering ‘please’s’ and ‘come back’s’. No one can hear him anymore.

 

Hyunjin gasps as he wakes up from his dream (nightmare), breathing ragged, his hands clutching the tiny moon necklace as if his life depended on it, his face wet with tears, his heart a little more damaged and his soul a little more cold.


End file.
